Out Of My Tree

     Continuing on with the “tree” theme, I’ve decided to “branch” out from the serious and go way out on a “limb” with this one, I’m not sure where it has its “roots” but it is funny as far as I’m concerned, so don’t “bark” at me if you don’t like it. I’ll just “leaf” it at that.. Ladies as far as trees are concerned; you are the fruits, and we men are the nuts.. And here is an example of my theory.. A laugh is a great way to start off your Thursday, and I hope you do..

Jake

Pee on a tree

Ah, what do you mean, you’ll hold it?

Out of My Tree

Well I got to thinking,

the other day.

What if I was born,

the other way,

might I just be somewhat,

better off?

 *

‘Cause then when I had,

my physical,

there’d be no one grabbing,

my testicles.

And telling me, to turn,

my head and cough.

Yeah, well once a month,

I might get bitchy,

and a yeast infection,

might make me itchy.

But, I could get paid,

just to take my halter off.

 *

Though I’d have to worry,

’bout my menstrual flow,

and I’d probably get weepy,

with my estrogen low.

But, all in all, I’d have the world,

right by the balls.

Yes, I’d be in control,

of my destiny,

and fine jewelry would bring out,

the best in me.

But, I would have to sit,

when nature calls.

Yeah, as a guy,

I just find a tree,

to go behind,

when I have to pee.

 But, if I was a lady,

I’d need to find a stall.

 *

But, I know I’d never,

wear a bra.

Especially down,

at my local bar.

I’d let the girls hang out,

and drink all night for free.

But, I think that I,

would feel real strange,

to ask my friends,

to lend me change,

for the “Tampon” machine,

and would they come with me.

 *

So, I guess I’m glad,

I was born a guy,

and my pants have pockets,

 and they have a fly.

And speaking of which, excuse me,

while I “go” behind that tree.

*** 

Jack Downing

Sept. 2011

 

 

Copyright©  Jack Downing, aka Jake @poemsandponderings.wordpress.com.  All rights reserved. Contents may not be reprinted or disseminated in any manner without the expressed written consent of the author. JRD 1/10/13

                                                                                        

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About poemsandponderings

Hearth and Health are wonderful things and if you're without either such sorrow that brings So I cannot express enough thanks to my Lord and to my family and friends for the support you afford! ~Jack Downing~
This entry was posted in comfort, environment, Gardens, humor, joy and sorrow, life, Make Believe, men, mischievious, women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Out Of My Tree

  1. Beth Ann says:

    Jack, Jack, Jack….I have no words….

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