Tall Tales And Bald Faced Lies

     I told you we were going to get away from the dark and sinister posts for a couple of days, so here is the next installment from the brighter side, of the disturbed mind of yours truly. I hope you read and enjoy the well-documented story of my/our life. I will swear a *Lawyer’s Oath on each and every word of it.

I do hope you like it and it gives you a smile or two.

Have a fact-filled Friday everyone,


*Lawyer is merely a different spelling of Liar..

The Long and the Short of it.

Tall Tales And Bald Faced Lies

 Now let me relate

about me in my youth,

and I’ll swear on my conscience

every word to be truth.

I will start at the start

and on the day I came in,

I was six-foot three

two hundred and ten.

I arrived in a blizzard

on the Fourth of July,

and when the doc took to spankin’

I blackened his eye.

And I’m real quick to learn

as you will see,

I graduated college

at the age of three.

I had my master’s degree

by the time I was four,

did a hitch in the Navy

and one in the Corps.

I got my pilot’s license

as I turned five,

I flew twice round the sun

and I came back alive.

Then I studied law

for only a week,

where I learned how to lie

when it’s the truth, that you seek.

Oh, I think I was six

when I, rode that whale

across the Gobi Desert,

while delivering the mail.

Well that’s part of my youth

from right out of the gate,

and it only gets better

but you’ll just have to wait.

Because the Pope just called

to make me a saint,

 for the job that I did

on the Sistine’s new paint.

So maybe next chapter

I’ll start at age nine,

when I laid down the tracks

for the “Rock Island” line.

I don’t have a stack of bibles

on which I can swear,

so you’ll just have to trust me

it’s the facts, that I share.


Jack Downing

Sep. 2012

Copyright© Jack Downing, aka Jake @poemsandponderings.wordpress.com. All rights reserved. Contents may not be reprinted or disseminated in any manner without the expressed written consent of the author. JRD 9/14/12


About poemsandponderings

Hearth and Health are wonderful things and if you're without either such sorrow that brings So I cannot express enough thanks to my Lord and to my family and friends for the support you afford! ~Jack Downing~
This entry was posted in bull, college, history, humor, life, mischievious, old days, poet, seafarers, truth and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Tall Tales And Bald Faced Lies

  1. Sally says:

    Made me smile……

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