If Methane Was Money

     Mark the date on your calendar May 31, 2012, (I don’t have to mark it, it’s my daughter $Rachel’s birthday) and it is indeed your lucky day. Run out immediately and play the lottery as soon as you have finished reading this post. Why, you ask? Because, you are about to experience another of my “songs” in-waiting. Yes, heretofore unknown to the music industry is a classic of mine, that has deep personal origins shared only with a select few, and the occasional unwitting, unsuspecting stranger(s), (whenever plausible deniability is an option) until now that is.. I do now and forever take full and deserved credit for this masterpiece.

     Please enjoy, and try not to visualize to any great degree.


Ps. (Pu?) Please keep your comments positive and constructive in nature.  Remarks like, “that stinks” or “what a sh*tty post” or “blow it out your a$$” are neither constructive nor positive. Please be nice, we lyricists are sensitive sorts.



 My wife, she has told me,

and often, will scold me,

for filling, and fouling, the air.

But, I tell her, honey,

if methane, was money,

Hell, I’d be a millionaire.


 Oh, but she knows my scent,

and says it ain’t worth, two cents,

but she knows for sure, when I’m there.

Yes, when I’m around,

and she hears that sound,

she opens, the windows, for air.


 She says my aroma,

could earn a diploma,

on the campus of good ol’  P.U.

Now she thinks, that’s funny,

but, if methane, was money,

she’d, be rolling around, in the poo.


 Yes, if methane was money,

she’d treat it like honey,

like it, was fresh from the bee.

And she wouldn’t be late,

and she barely could wait,

for the next deposit, from me.


 So, if she thinks that smell,

comes straight out of hell,

then I can’t wait to get there.

‘Cause, if methane is money,

my days will be sunny,

hell, I’ll be a millionaire.


 If methane is money,

then hold your nose honey,

in hell, we won’t have a care.

 I’ll, be a big cheese,

and my cheeks, I won’t squeeze,

’cause I’m more than happy, to share.


Yes, where methane is money,

I tell you sonny,

I’ll be a millionaire!


 Jack Downing

                                                                          Oct. 2010

Copyright© Jack Downing, aka Jake @poemsandponderings.wordpress.com. All rights reserved. Contents may not be reprinted or disseminated in any manner without the expressed written consent of the author. JRD 5/31/12


About poemsandponderings

Hearth and Health are wonderful things and if you're without either such sorrow that brings So I cannot express enough thanks to my Lord and to my family and friends for the support you afford! ~Jack Downing~
This entry was posted in environment, Flowers, history, humor, husbands and wives, mischievious, Music, Right to remain silent, song writer, Songs and Dances and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to If Methane Was Money

  1. see science news – methane and dinosaurs

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