Out of My Tree

     I’m going way off the wall with this one, I just finished it the other day.(Wednesday.) This is really different and very funny, I think. Please take it for what it is. Humor with some edge to it. It is not meant to offend, (some of the words or phrases may not be what you’re used to) it is just a sample of what goes through my ‘wacky Jacky’ mind sometimes.(I have several different contributors in there.) So, if you don’t like it, please come back tomorrow, and I’m hopeful you will find something more to your liking. But remember, I warned you…..Ladies, don’t hate me, please.

     Well now, brace yourselves for;

Out of My Tree

Well, I got to thinking,

the other day.

What if I was born,

the other way,

might I be just somewhat,

better off?

 

‘Cause then when I had,

my physical,

there’d be no one grabbing,

my testicles,

and telling me to turn,

my head and cough.

 

Yeah, well once a month,

I might get bitchy,

and a yeast infection,

might make me itchy.

But I could get paid,

just to take my halter off.

 

Though, I’d have to worry,

’bout my menstrual flow,

and I’d probably get weepy,

with my estrogen low.

But, all in all, I’d have the world,

right by the balls.

 

Yes, I’d be in control,

of my destiny,

and fine jewelry, would bring out,

the best in me.

But, I would have to go and sit,

when nature calls.

 

Yeah, as a guy,

I just find a tree,

to go behind,

when I have to pee,

but if I was a lady,

I’d need, to find a stall.

 

But I know I’d never,

wear a bra.

Especially down,

at my local bar.

I’d let the girls hang out,

and drink all night for free.

 

But, I think that I,

would feel real strange,

to ask my friends,

to lend me change,

for the “Tampon” machine,

and would they, come with me!

 

So, I guess I’m glad,

I was born a guy,

and my pants have pockets,

and they have a fly.

And speaking of which, excuse me,

while I go, behind that tree.

 

                                                                                         Jack Downing

                                                                                         Sept. 2011

 

 

 

 

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About poemsandponderings

Hearth and Health are wonderful things and if you're without either such sorrow that brings So I cannot express enough thanks to my Lord and to my family and friends for the support you afford! ~Jack Downing~
This entry was posted in fine jewelry, honesty, humor, idea, in my opinion, incumbrances, life, Make Believe, men, ponderings, reflections, rum, thoughts, truth, wealth and worth, whiskey, women. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Out of My Tree

  1. sally says:

    Jack…. your bad to the bone!!!

  2. Beth Ann says:

    I hardly know what to say. What I can say is that I am glad you are not a girl—–I don’t think you could have handled it. It is a full time job . 🙂 Have a great Saturday.

  3. Women in US do live 8.7 years longer than men. Maybe the trees are infectious in some way?

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